One of my authorities

It was few years ago, one day I was in a bad mood so I decided to look for some positive thoughts on the Internet. I came by chance on Beata Pawlikowska's positive thoughts on a website which contains a lot of this kind of thoughts. Their characteristic features are a short text with a persuasive message in a yellow background. Generally, everything reminds a sheet from a notebook. I read a few of her thoughts and they really improved my mood instantly.

I was curious to know who is the person behind these positive things and I wanted to find out more about her. It intrigued me to the point that now I listen to her program in one of the radio stations every week, I liked her page on Facebook and I read some of her books.

Beata Pawlikowska achieved a lot in her life, she is a traveler, a journalist, a translator, a photographer and a book illustrator. What seems interesting, she wrote her first book at the age of 18 years. Now she has the dozens of books to her credit.

I like very much this person. She is amazing, she is very warm, wise and a strong person. She has his own opinion and she is not afraid to express it.

Since I've met her and I've started reading her opinions and apply them in my life, my life changed. I see the world in a more positive way, I complain less, I can enjoy the small moments just as much as the big ones, I am more orderly and I know that it is me who has a full control of my life.

Beata Pawlikowska is the person who helps people to change their lives. She changed my life and I am very grateful. I start almost everyday with one of her positive thoughts and thanks to that I can start my day happily.

Bread from a supermarket

I would like you to tell you about something that surprised me some time ago.

The three most important words to encourage customers to buy bread in supermarkets are: “warm", "crusty" and "straight from the oven". Unfortunately, in most cases, this "bread from the oven" is a specially iced mass, which first waits half a year in the magazine before going to to oven.

What we can find in the bread from the supermarket?

For example, L-cysteine which is an amino acid added to bread flour so that the dough will be soft and malleable. It is made from cereals, but it is not a cheap method, so another source was found. L-cysteine can be obtained from the duck feathers or even from human hair (which is cheaper) collected from hairdressing salons (human hair is one of the richest sources of this amino acid). This production method is so effective that in China it is applied on a large scale. Of course, the factories do not reveal what sort of production they use. What is more, human hair improvers is also present in Europe and it is very likely that we can find it in deep-frozen bread from supermarkets. In Europe we can not add the L-cysteine from human hair and what is used is made of pig bristles. The problem is that in the supermarkets, where bread is baked in place, mostly frozen dough are from China.

I was not conscious of this phenomenon, but at the moment when I discovered the truth about it, I do not buy breadstuff in the supermarket. Most of people do not know about it and they are taken in when the plugs advertise how the rolls are delicious, fresh and crusty!

"God never blinks"

Today I want to tell you about a book which I just have finished reading.. And I'm not happy about it, because this book is just excellent. Happily, I can always return to it. This time, it is not a novel. It is something like a guide. The title is “God never blinks” and it is written by Regina Brett. Despite this title, this book does not talk about God. The subject of religion returns relatively rarely. I am sure that you can wonder what means such title, you may have many ideas... The author of the book during 40 years of her life, was thinking that at the moment of her birth, God has blinked and he missed it and never learned that she was born. But when she already finds out what is the happiness, she considers that “God never blinks” and never forget about you.

The book is composed of 50 lessons, as the author suggests “for life's little detours”. Each lesson is rather short, but very meaningful. To portray what she wants to express, she employs some anecdotes about other people.

I think every person, regardless of age, can find something for itself and about itself, something that would help her change something for the better in her life.

I have applied some lessons and I am very happy with the results.

Brett was a columnist and her life lessons column became very popular and it inspired her to create this book which quickly became a bestseller. She said that the lessons were posted on blogs and websites by people all over the world. Her lessons affected many people, representatives of all religions, because they are universal.

I am so fascinated with this book that I would like everyone to read it. I strongly recommend it and I ensure you that you will not be disappointed. 

Universal basic income in Finland

I have read the article entitled "Finland begins to experiment with basic income", the author gives some information on the basic income in this country. This project entered into force on January 1, 2017, and consists of drawing by lots 2,000 people aged 25 to 58 who will be awarded 560 euros per month of universal basic income for two years instead of unemployment benefits, but with health coverage and housing allowance. In case of a higher amount obtained previously, the difference will be refunded. A big change is the fact that even if a person finds a job, and regardless of a salary, he will not lose the universal income. This ensures that the unemployed will not find themselves in a less advantageous position if they find a low-paid job.

This idea aims to examine the motivation to find work and to get into entrepreneurial projects of two groups of unemployed: benefiting from a universal income and those who normally receive social benefits. According to the Prime Minister of Finland, this project will promote employment, reduce bureaucracy and simplify the welfare system.

According to opponents, it will not give objective results because the group is too limited compared to the number of inhabitants of Finland. In addition, they find that the amount of income is not enough.

Inspired by Finland system, French politicians reflect on the introduction of universal basic income in France.

Five Days Left II

As I promised one week ago, I will tell you about another story in the book "Five Days left". It will be about a friend of Mara, who has the Huntington disease. They have never met, they do not know how the other looks like, they know each other only from messages, because they are chatting on the forum for adoptive parents. You must know that Mara adopted a girl and Scott, the second main character, who is a middle school teacher, is also a foster parent of a little boy. Her mother is in jail and her brother is not mature so Scott and his wife take care of the boy who is troubled. The story in the book starts at the moment when there are five days left (that is why the title of the book) to the end of the sentence of the biological mother.

Scott loved Curtis and it is extremely difficult for him to leave the child after one year. His wife is rather happy, she is pregnant and she wants to be calm. But Scott seems not occupy by his biological baby, he is thinking just about Curtis, so I agree with his wife who is nervous because of that.

We know that life is unpredictable. When the mother of Curtis came out of the jail, she overdosed drugs and she died. Now Scott and Laurie have to face a big choice: adopt Curtis or not. Laurie is opposed, Scott dreams about it. I will not reveal the end :)

The story of this family lets to think about the big choices in life concerning marriage, parenthood, if a child should come back to the biological mother even if she is very bad.

I loved this book and I will search other books of Julie Lawson Timmer. 

Five Days Left

This week I have finished reading an excellent book. It was "Five Days left" of Julie Lawson Timmer. One of my favourite writers recommended this book with these words:
“A beautifully drawn study of what is at risk when you lose control of your own life. Unique, gripping, and viscerally moving—this impressive debut novel heralds the arrival of an extremely talented writer.”

This is the story about a woman who four year ago was diagnosed with Huntington’s disease. Her name is Mara. Over time, she was becoming weaker and weaker, until she finally had to leave work. You have to know that she loved her job, she was a workaholic and it was very difficult for her to leave her career as a lawyer. She knows that she will die, there is no cure for this disease. At the begging she does not accept her disease and she is bad with other people, her family, but she realises that she can not loose the time which is very precious. Sometimes, she thinks about suicide, but she is waiting for one sign which will indicate her that her state is bad and after that sign, then she will suicide next birthday.

One day in the supermarket she cannot control her bladder and she peed. The scene is witnessed by a little boy and his mom. Mom helps her cover the stain on light leggings. That day Mara decides that this is the sign. As it happens, for 5 days she will have her birthday. There are 5 days left, 5 days of life because she does not want to break the promise she made to herself.

She has a lot of memory trouble, so she writes everything she has to do before she dies. She says goodbye to everyone, of course, everything by steal. She secretly writes letters to parents, daughter and husband. This is surprising, but she manages to complete all the tasks from the list. I have to tell you that this book does not have a happy ending, Mara will commit suicide so that not to expose her family to the obligation to care for a sick person who will not understand anything and not react.

This book is sad, all the events are sad. But it is very interesting, touching and it shows that you should enjoy the life, the family, everything. This book impressed me and I think that I will read this book one more time, but I don't yet know when. I strongly recommend you this beautifully written book.

There is another story in this book and I will tell you about it next time.

William and Kate

We continue with the beautiful subject of the royal wedding.

The ceremony took place in the Westminster Abbey founded in 960. It has been the venue for coronations and some royal weddings. The Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams  conducted the marriage at 11:00 of a local time. The ceremony was attended by  about 1 900 guests - the bride's and groom's families, some members of foreign royal dynasties, diplomats and the couple's personal guests.  

Now, the dress.

The bridal dress was designed by the London designer Sarah Burton at Alexander McQueen. The project dress was a closely guarded secret. The handmade lace for the dress was made by the Royal School of Tailoring and lace from the French Chantilly. Lace embroidered on tulle, creating a unique pattern of flowers symbolizing the United Kingdom: roses, thistles, daffodils and clovers. The workers had to wash their hands every 30 minutes so that not to dirty the lace and threads. Also  the needles were renewed every three hours to keep them sharp and clean.

The fashion experts gave much comment about the dress and it was very well received.

After the wedding, the dress was on public display at Buckingham Palace fans could have admired it. Even several hours after the ceremony, the wedding dress of Princess Kate had her first copies. This dress has become an icon of style, class and good taste. To this day, it is an inspiration for many brides and designers wedding dresses.

After the wedding ceremony, the young couple went to the ceremonial reception at the Queen Elizabeth II after which appeared together on the balcony of Buckingham Palace. After the official part of the wedding the bride and groom also took part in an organized evening gala dinner at the Prince Charles, who organized a dance party, which was attended by friends and family of the newlyweds. In addition, a few days later, the couple announced already quite a private dance party with friends.

People in more than 180 countries could have watched the wedding. It was broadcast on television, internet, and radio. It is said that 2 billion people in over the world watched it. In London 1 million people watched the wedding and over 5000 street festivals were organized across the United Kingdom. As you can see, some people were totally involved. 

One more thing which is interesting for me. When it comes to title upon marriage, William became Duke of Cambridge with Catherine becoming Her Royal Highness The Duchess of Cambridge. Prince Harry, the brother of William is not anymore the third in line to the throne of Britain after Prince Charles and Prince William. Harry is the fifth now after the children of William and Kate – Prince George and Princess Charlotte.

The royal wedding

As the last time I talked about marriages in France, now I want to talk about one big mariage in the United Kingdom. Do you have any idea? Yes, this is the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton and all the madness around this event. 

First of all I want to emphasize that the royal family has a big importance for British people.

The impact of the Queen to make any impact on the running of the country is rather limited. Her role is more symbolic nowadays. There are British people who love the tradition and spectacle connected with the royal family. The others think that this is the relic of the past which takes a lot of tax payer money.

Before the marriage there is of course the engagement.

The engagement took place in October 2010, during a private holiday in Kenya. Kate obtained the same engagement ring that the father of William had given to William's mother, Diana. It is made from white gold ring with an oval ceylon sapphire and 14 round diamonds.

The wedding day was a bank holiday – the day off the work. It had place the 29 th of April 2011. The price of the wedding was reportedly £20 million, but with the security and flowers it was around £32 million. The Royal Family and the Middletons themselves got to the expense of this event. However, the costs of security and transport were covered by Her Majesty's British treasury. I like very much the idea of William and Kate for the gifts. Instead of traditional wedding gifts, they asked that donations be made to charities. 

Four marriages for one honeymoon

During my holiday in France I was watching a TV program of which name can be translated as “Four marriages for one honeymoon”. It is the French version of "Four weddings". There are 4 brides and we can observe the wedding of each of them. When one bride has her wedding, three other women give their opinion and mark five things: decoration of the reception place, food, ball opening, ambiance and bride's dress.

They use a 0-20 scale. The woman who has the best score, wins a honeymoon for which she does not have to pay. I like this program because I can see the wedding tradition in France.

There are very few weddings in church, the majority is in the mayoralty. There is even something called “non-religious wedding ceremony”. For me it has no sense. I think that the wedding in the church has the greatest value and I would not like it in any other place, and if I had to marry me in the garage, like one bride, I would cry.

It is obvious that a wedding is a very expensive event and not everyone can afford to have the best things. But in general people try to give as much as possible, and they put in a lot of work, taking care of every detail and putting their heart. And then, at the end someone publicly tells on television that you dress, food or in general, all the events were awful and he judges the investment that you gave for example on 5/20. I think even people with very strong character could be hurt. There are many young brides who cry during the last episode when they see what other brides have said

 about them.

I have watched some episodes few days ago and it was very pleasant to remember this time of holidays. I knew some tendencies about wedding in France and maybe one day this knowledge will be useful for me.  

Earth Hour

Last Saturday, the 25 of March from 8:30 to 9:30 p.m. the annual action was carried out. The name of this initiative is "Earth Hour". It is initiated and organized by WWF - the World Wide Fund for Nature. Every year on the last Saturday of March WWF calls individuals, communities, households and businesses around the world to turn off their non-essential lights and electronic devices. 

For the first time the action took place in 2007 in Sydney, then 2.2 million people took part in this event. In the following years, this action was gaining an enormous support. In the graphic below you can see the summing-up of the last Earth Hour. This year, it was the biggest number of countries and territories which participated in the action – 187 countries.

I heard about Earth Hour for the first time in the begging of its appearance in Poland and I was very enthusiastic and I participated in and I appreciate this worldwide action. However, this year I read some critic's opinion on this subject. One of them is presented by a physicist. He said that as a result of a sudden shutdown by many receivers the system can be damaged and consequently, it can lead to break of power supply to consumers for many hours. After all, for an hour you can not turn off the power plant, and then, after an hour, what to do in order to massively turn on lights, computers or televisions so that the network can stand the overload. In addition, physicist noticed that energy-saving bulbs recommended by ecologists use much more energy than normally when they are switched on.

I really don't know what to think about it, which attitude is right, but I think that we should always save energy, not only during one hour on the last Saturday of March.

Meeting with Frank Andriat

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"Never forget, in life, even in the darkness, the life is always present"

Tuesday, the 21 of March we had the meeting with Frank Andriat, the author of the book that I have talked recently. He arrived to our university from Belgium.

Before I had read some critics about his book Rose afghane and people have written that in his book we can see a big love that he has to all the people. He showed us that Afghanistan is not just the war, the burqas and the Taliban. It is also a country where people sing, love and laugh. With his sensitivity he touches the humanity of this people that we tend to forget.

What was striking for me that since he had entered to the classroom he did not stop to smile! He is such a positive and optimistic person. I liked him so much. He is not only the writer but also the teacher. He was talking a lot about his work and we could see that he is very involved in his work and he is very good in it. I wish I could be her student. He was also talking about the circumstances of writing his book. In general, he was telling a lot of anecdotes.

Andriat is very intelligent, wise, inspiring and understanding, just wonderful. I think he is one of the people who are not very numerous in our society. I am happy to meet him and I will have the good souvenirs about him for my whole life.

"Rose afghane"

One month ago a professor asked us to read the book of Frank Andriat untitled "Rose afghane". I was unhappy about it because in general I am not interested in the subjects like war or in the novels for teenagers. The book is composed of six chapters, one chapter tells one story. The stories are different but there is one point in common – the war in Afghanistan. However, this book picked my curiosity and I am glad to have read and learned some things that are described in this book, things I was not aware of, for example the brutality of the Taliban. During their reign girls could not study on the university. Or a person who was homosexual could be ran over with a military machine in the middle of the street.

But it is undeniable that this book is sad and I sometimes had tears in my eyes when I was reading it. The consciousness that they have lost of their family members, that they have to live in a foreign country with different customs is very sad, even if theoretically they are no longer in danger.

The subject of war is present in each history, because it constitutes the base of all these events. As war is a very difficult subject, situations that concern it are also difficult. There is a girl who knows that her mother is going to die and she can not even say goodbye, because every second is precious and her mother gave her life so that she and her brother could escape. For me, this situation is unimaginable and so sad. Then, the wars that took place in Afghanistan still allowed to be happy for its inhabitants, but the reign of the Taliban did not allow this. They were really violent. Afghans live in constant fear by not really knowing who is their enemy. There are suicide bombers everywhere, they blow up even during the wedding party just to hurt the most of people. Even children can have the bombs, because they are innocent and above suspicion. In Afghanistan there are violence, blood, bombs, gunpowder, the noise of airplanes that are constantly passing... Innocent civilians are killed and this is called collateral damage. Afghanistan is a minefield. The Taliban hate beauty, joy and love. However, there are some individuals that are capable of human behavior despite war and rivalry. For example, the Soviet soldier who took a little girl out of the street into her house with a big smile on his face. He didn't hurt her. Or another soldier who offered a chocolate bar to an Afghan girl.

In brief, I am very happy and grateful that someone made me discover this book which is really beautifully written. 

Interview with Jodi Picoult

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I have read the interview with one of my favourite novelist, Jodi Picoult. Bryony Gordon, the journalist presents her first meeting with Picoult.
The first part of the article contains her previous impressions about Jodi’s books. She thinks that the reading is long and easy, perfect for holiday. However, it turns out that her books deal with serious subjects like domestic violence, diseases, eugenics, the Holocaust, high-school shootings and many others.

The author of the article starts  with a description of their first meeting in a hotel. She feels miserable compared to Picoult who is a ball of fire. At the beginning, they talk about whether her books are really written only for women. Picoult explains that once she tried to write under a man’s pen name. Then, she was furious because she could not release her book. She heard that it was too well written for the male romance genre. She had the feeling of injustice because men who write about love are more appreciated and they feel special.

Even though the stories written by Picoult are indeed interesting, her real life is not so. Born in Long Island, she moved to New Hampshire when she was a teenager and she still lives there, with her husband and numerous domestic animals. She met her husband during her studies in Princeton. Her adventure with writing started when she was pregnant for the first time. When she already had 3 children and her career took off, her husband quit his job to help her. Now he is occupied with charity work and Picoult thinks that he is the kindest person she knows. She has also 3 children: a 19 year old daughter who is studying psychology and pedagogy, a 21 year old son who is a senior at Yale and also a lover of music, and her oldest homosexual child, who is a teacher at inner city schools and he is getting married to his boyfriend.Then, she gives her opinion about some sensible questions concerning the American society like abortion, gun control, gay rights or death penalty which are not always compatible with her liberal views. Finally, asked if she wanted to stay into a permanent book tour around the world, she answers that she did not want but she likes the benefits of having an American passport.
Usually, I read the books of this author and it's the first time I've read the interview with her and I'm happy that I could know her more and I saw that some aspect of her private life appear sometimes in her books.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/books/authors/jodi-picoult-its-really-hard-to-love-America-sometimes/

Spiritual retreat

The Ash Wednesday on 1st March began Lent. It's a very important time for Catholics. The time of concentration on the spiritual preparation to live the Resurrection, the biggest holiday for Christians in the best way. The three big questions which concern Lent are: feast, prayer and charity.

During the Lent, in all churches the priests organise the retreat.

Today retreat began in my parish. They will last to Wednesday. The priest have told us a story that can make you think about the participation in retreat. So, he always saw a family in the Church and during retreat there were never the father of this family. And one day, during the pastoral visit in their home, he asked this man why he was never present on retreat in church. The man told that he was just 40, he didn't need to go there and he would go to retreat when he would be old. Three days later, her wife went to the parish office to this priest. She told that she wanted to order a funeral. The priest was surprised and asked for whom would be the funeral. She responded that this would be her husband's funeral. It turned out that two days after the pastoral visit he has a strong heart attack and he died. He didn't have the possibility to participate in the retreat which are very important and can enrich the wait for Easter, but we can do it be happy of the fruits of it.

Raw food

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Today I was talking with my friend and I've heard about a trend in nutrition. Namely, about raw food, I had never heard about it before so I decided to check it. Maybe you also don't know what is it, so you can find out something new.

American stars are fans of this diet: Gwyneth Paltrow, Demi Moore, Georgia May Jagger, Drew Barrymore... The list of celebrities who have opted for the raw food diet is very long. Straight from the United States, this trend is gradually starting to take hold in Europe.

See what the amateurs of raw food eat. Freshly picked fruits and vegetables, sprouted seeds, oilseeds, cereals, cold pressed first oils. No dairy products, no salt, no added sugar, no animal foods. The rules are strict: water is allowed only outside meals, each lunch must start with a salad, dinner, it must start with a soup, tea and coffee are proscribed.The list of authorized foods is short, such as the cooking methods permitted by the diet. The "raw" prohibits any firing above 47.8 ° C. For according to the gurus of the diet, cooking at more than 48 ° C would destroy the vitamins and especially the enzymes present in fruits and vegetables. To cook the food, you have to equip yourself: dehydrator, blender, cold juice extractors or variable-temperature steamer.

This diet has some positif aspects but it doesn't give you all the substances that your body needs. Personally, I don't like this idea and it would be difficult for me to bear even one day eating in this way.

Emotion regulation

This week I participated on the next lecture named „The Zone Psyche” on the University of Social Sciences and Humanities. This time it was about emotions.I knew the theory of emotion regulation according to which there are 5 ways to deal with your emotions, in particular with negative ones. Imagine that you are in a room and you have to meet a person which you don't like.a) you can avoid this person and don't go to the second roomb) you can modify the situation, for example you can tell this person that he partsc) you can spread attention, you don't have contact with this person, you don't talk to, you don't interact but it is not pleasant for youd) you can try to change the opinion about this person, you can reinterprete the situation and tell you that maybe she is not so bad and you can take it, this situation demands a lot of emotional efforte) you can hold your reaction back, it means that you can't stand this person but you are talking to her, you smile and you pretend that everything is good, obviously, in this case your emotional effort is the biggest and this type of situation hurts youThis approach is represented by Gross and Thomas and I agree with it.

"The Newlyweds"

I’ve just finished to read „The Newlyweds” of Nell Freudenberger. I’m starting to miss about this lecture because it took me some time to read it. "The Newlyweds" has nearly 500 pages. Usually I don’t read the books about oriental culture but this time I made an exception and I’m happy for it.

This book is about Amina, 24 years old woman from Bangladesh who meets an American man on the portal dating. But it is not so romantic because the biggest aim of Amina is to have a good husband who can give her and her parents a possibility to live better, in the USA. She has to wait 3 years before receiving an American nationality. Then, she can invite her parents there. Despite of fact that Amina lives in America and she has everything, she is not happy. She has a challenge to live in a different culture. The book is long and it contains a lot of events from her and her parents’ life in America but also in Bangladesh.

We have also impression that she loves an ancient friend from childhood and she wants to quit everything in USA and live in Bangladesh with him.

The parents of Amina have big problems to receive a visa to the USA, but finally they have it. On the last pages of the book, we can read about how they leave Bangladesh and fly to America. For me these pages are extremely sad. It’s just a fiction, but how these poor people from the Orient will live in a completely different world ? Is it worth it ? I’d like to know how they would live in this new world.

I'm also wondering if there is still this desire from the part of the family so that woman has a good and rich husband. Because in this book they still choose a husband by different criteria. Or nowadays is it normal to marry someone who we love?

The reality In Bangladesh is strongly different than in Europe and it was interesting to find out something new. 

Harmful effects of television violence on children

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There are several reasons for which watching violent programs on televison can affect children's emotional well being. Firstly, children's fear can increase. It concernes especially girls who are more likely to be represented as victims of violence on television. Consequently, this can make them more fearful of the world around them. Next, children become desensitized towards violence in general. The aggressive acts are widely presented in some cartoons for children. Furthermore, violence is presented in a comical way and its real consequences are rarely exposed, the death is presented grotesquely and violence remains unpunished. As a result, children learn not to react to the evil and brutality. Finally, watching the drastic scenes can increase the likelihood of aggressive behavior, even with time deferred. A child develops the habit of aggressive response, which over time is difficult to change, in particular when the child has seen that another film hero is rewarded for aggressive behavior. In short, if kids watch some acts of violence in television, they can become more timorous, more aggressive and insensitive to the violence.

Joyeux Noël !

Bûche de Noel

Due to Christmas I’d like to tell you something about Christmas tradition in France. You will see that this is a little bit different than in Poland. However there are a lot of things in common. For French people as for Polish people, Christmas is the most important celebration, it is the celebration of family. The 24th of December, in general everything is already prepared. Before to go to sleep some children hang Christmas stockings on the fireplace. Santa Claus will put the sweets there, otherwise children will find their gifts under the Christmas tree the 25 th of December because in general French people don’t have Christmas dinner which is throughrouly celebrated in Poland. Consequently, they don’t share wafer. But some of them go to the Midnight Mass to celebrate the birth od Jesus. But in France there aren’t many Catholic people so it’s not very common, It’s a shame because this tradition is beautiful and it changes a lot the meaning of Christmas which is not only the gifts and the meetings with family. We have to mention what is the reason for which we celebrate it.

It’s 25th of December when family meets, they eat a big dinner and they drink a lot of wine. The most traditional dishes are : turkey, seafood, foie gras, salmon and, for dessert, the cake named ‘bûche’ which resembles a stump.

I think that I’d like to spend Christmas in France just to see all these traditions under my eyes but I prefer our Christmas in Poland. 

Styles of attachement - Bartholomew and Horowitz

Today I would like you to present you another theory about styles of attachement. I will explain you that table which can be a little bit enigmatic. It presents the styles of attachement in adults in according to Kim Bartholomew and Leonard Horowitz.

As you can see, if you think positively about yourself and about your partner or other people, you can have the secure style of attachement. So, pose you some questions. Do you feel competent, worth attention and love? Do you love yourself? Do you think that someone can love you? 

If you have this style of attachement, you support other people, you are warm and you have confidence in others.

You feel well in a close relationship, not afraid of dependence or being alone.

It is the best style of attachement. 

However, if you have positive thoughts about you, but you think negatively about other people, you have the dismissive style of attachement. You also feel competent, and worth, but also independent and self-sufficient. Other people are hardly credible for you, hostile and unjust. Or you just think so... 

When it comes to your emotions you exclude negative emotions, you minimize the significance of the painful experiences. You have also poor emotional control, you prone to impulsive behavior. You can feel an extreme discomfort in the situation of proximity, you avoid intimacy, relationships and commitment. You build superficial contacts with others, based on common issues, and not on commitment. Unfortunately, you can treat instrumentally other people.

If your thoughts about yourself are negative and thoughts about other people are positive, you have preoccupied style of attachement. Your image of yourself is inconsistent and dependent on the acceptance of others. But you idealize other people, you have the high expectations, which are the source of your disappointment. You are jealous and are afriad of separation. You want to control emotions excessively. You are extensively involved in a relationship but at the same time you have difficulties with its maintenance. You are dependent on your partner, you want intimacy, fall in love quickly and you expect exclusive attention to yourself.

If both images, of yourself and of other are negative you have the fearful style of attachement. You feel incompetent and unattractive. You perceive others like threatening, not giving support, rejecting. You have difficulty in revealing emotions.You exhibit a lack of trust in others and fear of being dependent, rejection and abandonment. You rather avoid social contacts. In relations with others you are passive and shy, you also avoid conflicts.