Styles of attachements in adults

The information that I have presented was just one part of the lecture. It was interesting for me but the things after were even more fascinating. 

Well, the style of attachement that we develop in childehood determines the style of attachment to people when we are adults, the style of making acquaintance. If does it mean that if you have anxious-avoidant insecure attachment or anxious-ambivalent insecure attachment you are damned to have a bad relationship? I will console you, not, you are not damned to it, we can learn to make acquaintances in a correct way, it demands a lot of effort but it is possible. The second thing that can you help to change you style of attachement is a good partner.

It is evident that if you are the person with secure attachement, you are in the best situation. The relationships that you will make will be mature and stable. The factors like: the greater intimacy, passion, commitment and the satisfaction of being in a relationship, will influence the lower level conflict behavior in your relationship.

If you have anxious-ambivalent insecure attachment, when you are adult, you can be really worth about if you truly loved and if you do not love too much. You can also be insanely jealous and feel unappreciated by your partner and other important people, such as colleagues. 

If your style of attachement is anxious-avoidant, you probably feel awkward in proximity of other people, you can even become nervous in their presence. On the one hand you can avoid intimacy and do not trust your partner. On the other hand you can become entangled in sexual relationships and excessively concentrated, for example, on your work.

Styles of attachement

According to the theory of Mary Ainsworth there are three styles of attachement :

1) Secure attachment: children who have this style are attached to their caregiver and are not afraid when they do not see him, they do not have the separation anxiety, they can explore the setting freely while the caregiver is present. Mother is their "safe base" and partner in the interaction and fun. From time to time they touch and hug her. They are not anxious with the arrival of a stranger and they do not react excessively anxious in the absence of the mother, can withstand a short period of separation, and after returning to actively welcome it clearly experiencing the joy caused by her back. The caregiver is responsive to the requirements of a child.

2) Anxious-avoidant insecure attachment: children with an anxious-avoidant attachment style avoids or ignore the caregiver. They do not explore the environment and they are not very interested in toys, even in the presence of the mother, and if they do, their commitment is shorter than in "safe" children. They seem to be constantly preoccupied with the place of residence of the mother. They refer frindlier to a person unfamiliar than to their mother. When the mother leaves, they become vulnerable. After her return tehy do not greet her, openly showing lack of interest and / or avoiding her. The caregiver isn't sensitive and he turns his back on the child.

3) Anxious-ambivalent insecure attachment: children with an anxious-resistant attachment are afraid of exploration and of strangers. The child has a tendency to be close to the caregiver but he can also reject him. They show reactions ambivalent: on the one hand they are looking for intimacy and contact with the mother, and the other they are reluctant to this interaction. It is a form of protection against injury. These children react differently to mothers back: some of them angrily hit his mother like "punishing" her for the fact that they were alone, others are more passive.
The caregiver isn't present in life of the child, it can be a father who delegates a lot.

Mary Ainsworth's experiment

Yesterday I was on the University of Social Sciences and Humanities. I participated in the lecture untitled: „How do we create the relations and why is it so difficult?” It was one of the lecture from the cycle : The Zone Psyche which has place one time per month. It was guided by two psychologists. I loved this talk and I'm sure that I will return there in December. Today I will present you one part of this lecture.

First of all, I found out about an experiment of Mary Ainsworth who made some of the most interesting research on attachment among children in the age of 14 moths. The study consisted in the fact that the child and his mother came to his estranged room, which was a lot of interesting toys appropriate for his age. After adapting the child to the new situation, to the room where the child resided with his mother, an unfamiliar woman entered. Then,  mother had to leave the room and the toddler was left with a stranger. After some time the mother returned to the room. Child's behavior was observated: his way of exploration areas and toys after coming to study his reaction to the appearance of a stranger, then reacting to leave the room by his mother, and finally reaction to the mothers back. 



In my next post I will present you the conclusion of that experiment. 

You can also watch a video from that experiment. 

La Belle Saison – Patricia Atkinson

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I have finished to read the book of Patricia Atkinson having a French title even in English version – La Belle Saison. It is a second part of the book The Ripening Sun: One Woman and the Creation of a Vineyard. I didn't read first part, but I'm going to do that.

It is the biography of an English woman who decided to go to France and create her new life there. In La Belle Saison we can read about the continuation of her adventures with the management of vineyard in the south of France.

Patricia's life is very interesting. She always does something. What's more, she tells about it with details so we can learn a lot about the culture in France, in particular in the countryside. She descovers how to pick the truffles, how to eat it. We can also learn a lot about oysters, because she tells about lifting them from the sea. If she is the proprietor of the vineyard, we can also read many things about the grapevines et the wine.

Many time she takes part in a hunting so we can discover the details of this activity.

Apart from all this information about all the events, we can also learn some French words which are well explicated. This is very particular vocabulary but also the names of French dishes which are not known in Poland.

This book absorbed me, it was very interesting to broad my horizons about France, French culture, French vocabulary and also the specificity of French people in the south.

The book is beautifully written and I think that I will return to it many times.

Goodies

Last weekend I was in an exceptional cafeteria near Old Market Square in Poznań. 

I ordered a piece of cheescake with chocolate on top and the pieces of peanut butter. What's more, even cheese had a flavour of peanut butter. I also ordered a big milkshake made from milk, ice-cream, cream, but not only. We can choose ouerselves two chocolate bars which we want to blend with our shake. And there, we have an enormous choice! There is a bookcase with different kinds of candy bars. There is everything, few kinds of Kinder, Princessa, Snickers, Mars, Milky, Way, Bounty, Oreo and many others. I chose Kinder Bueno White and Kinder Country. I assure you that it was delicious.

Now you know what kind of things we can buy there. But it's just the beginning. There are also the cubes made from chocolate bars, the choice is big. I bought the cube of Ferrero Rocher and Kinder Bueno. 

Another thing are the cakes made from sponge cake and the chocolate bars which I mentioned above. There are many people who order it for birthday or another occasion. There are also unordinary cupcakes.

The ambiance in the cafeteria is very cheerful, there are lots of quotes in the colorful frames. It's very nice to read and maybe you will find a quote which will inspire you!

I know that all these things are not at all healthy, but if you want to make you pleasure one time for a long time, I recommend you this place. I assure you these treats are worth of much, much, much calories. 

Inuit

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Last time I hit on the recording about the Inuit. I was surprised and I didn't know what was the meaning of this word. Actually, I know it but in the different name : the Eskimo. Before to continue, I post a little explanation about it made by Lawrence Kaplan:

„Inuit or Eskimo: Which name to use?

Although the name "Eskimo" is commonly used in Alaska to refer to all Inuit and Yupik people of the world, this name is considered derogatory in many other places because it was given by non-Inuit people and was said to mean "eater of raw meat."

Linguists now believe that "Eskimo" is derived from an Ojibwa word meaning "to net snowshoes." However, the people of Canada and Greenland prefer other names. "Inuit," meaning "people," is used in most of Canada, and the language is called "Inuktitut" in eastern Canada although other local designations are used also. The Inuit people of Greenland refer to themselves as "Greenlanders" or "Kalaallit" in their language, which they call "Greenlandic" or "Kalaallisut."

Most Alaskans continue to accept the name "Eskimo," particularly because "Inuit" refers only to the Inupiat of northern Alaska, the Inuit of Canada, and the Kalaallit of Greenland, and it is not a word in the Yupik languages of Alaska and Siberia.”

Let us return to the matter in hand. Before, I have known about Eskimo, but it was rather stereotypical and I didn't know how their life is difficult.

When I was listening to this recording, I was feeling two emotions at once in the inhabitants of a village in Alaska: hopelessness and sadness. There are lots of suicides of young people in this village. When we listen on the over the world that the youth is the best time of the life, in the Inuit it is the worst time, especially because they don't have hope for a better future.

In this minority the demografic increase is very high, the villages are over-populated. Ten people living in three rooms is a very common thing.

The old inhabitants of the village think that the past was better even if they had to sleep in tents, hunt and fish to survive.

There are few reasons of the suicides of the young people. Firstly, there have a big problem with alcohol, drugs and sexual harassment. Secondly, there is no future for them. Thirdly, they think that life is too difficult.

For me, it is extremely sad that the young people have the vision of life like that. It is a vicious cicrcle because they want to find some solace in the alcohol. They say directly that they are not happy which is very sad for me.

I feel the injustice because minorities are something that should be protected during the the minority of Inuit is completely forgot by the government. If the old Inuit die and the young suicide, there will be no one to pass the tradition which certainly has a lot of value.

Bridget Jones' Baby

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Last weekend I had the chance to go to the cinema with my two friends. We have seen „Bridget Jones' Baby”. It was the best romantic comedy which I have seen since few last years.

When I was a teenager I read two parts of the book of Helen Fielding („Bridget Jones's Diary” and „Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason”). I also saw the two parts of their adaptation. In that time I loved Bridget (anyhow, I think everyone loves Bridget!) but I was unconsolable of the fact that I couldn't know the continuation with Mark Darcy.

Now, I could know out it. After the second part of the book I thought that Bridget and Mark would be always together. I was thinking that it was the big real love for a whole life so on the beggining of the film I was surprised that they weren't together. However, I wasn't wrong. Mark is still her big real love but we know out it on the end.

The trailer promised that the film would be funny. Even the situation points on it: Bridget will have a baby but she doesn't know who is the father: Mark or Jake? Exactly, the film was screamingly funny. Many times I burst into laugh.

In general, I was happy that the main caracters didn't change. Bridget is always a bit ridiculous, bumbling and she always makes howlers. Mark Darcy is always a little bit distant, ironic and quaint. But the fact of review the same actors after many years let me return to the past. The one thing that changed is, of course, their appearance. We can clearly see that they got old since the second part of the film.

To sum up, I loved the film, for me everything was perfect and I don't have any objections. Maybe there we people who will criticize this film but I even didn't read any critic. I love the film and their caracters. I strongly recommend it, not only for women. However, that's women who will find the most of similarities between Bridget and them.